You may have heard of the term surrendering. For me, this is was what happened when I was on the bathroom floor and have no idea how you are going to get up. It's sort of like calling "Uncle" to the Universe, when I had myself so pinned that there is no where else to go.
It's kinda the place where I get to that I call my "puddle of goooooo". I have to take my hands off the steering wheel and ask for guidance. It's not that I am giving up. I have come to that point in my life that I get that there are guides and support for each of us. It's more like recognizing that I have hit such a bottom, that I am really surrendering to that support and help from my angel crew.
Surrendering doesn't have to happen just when you hit that really hard bottom space. It can be in the moment that my kid is having an tough day, or I get stuck in traffic or even when you are out of coffee in the morning (which I guess for some people, like my sister would actually be called rock bottom! )
Letting go into that space of fully trusting and accepting in that moment is not easy for us. At all. Our brain likes to wrestle problems around and control the outcome of our life. This is why so most people don't even consider the idea of "surrender" to the moment.
And then we ask.....Surrendering to what?
Surrender starts with us surrendering to the reality of wherever we are and whatever we’re doing. Sometimes that moment is painful, sometimes joyous, sometimes boring, exhausted, angry, and everything in between.
There is also a deeper reason for learning surrender.
As surrender becomes our normal response and openings to greater things become available, the practice trains us to connect to our triggers and thoughts about the situation and question them – the surrender of aligning and living with our soul: intuitively question beliefs that keep us feeling bad.
When we begin to become aware and surrender, we also begin to clean many painful and unnecessary subconscious beliefs lodged in our energy fields and often experience deep grief for periods of time.
This happens, I’ve found, for several reasons:
We re-experience certain painful memories so that we can get them out of the sub-conscious and process them (this is why we get triggered on little things and it doesn't make sense to our logical mind often!)
We feel we are losing control, the mind filling us with doubt, fear and anxiety
Both of these experiences, often going hand in hand, can effectively thwart our life, as we observe a large, impenetrable wall called: “THIS HURTS!” or “I’m a bad person” and discontinue the work for fear of endless pain.
1. Re-experiencing painful memories
As you’ve probably heard me mention, healing by "feeling feelings" is different to many modalities in that it does not require you to be aware of the majority of things being cleaned out. It doesn’t require psychiatric visitations, long conversations or conscious pain processing. But sometimes we are shown things that need to be looked at because we need to learn some valuable lessons from the situation.
Say, you were beaten as a child, and that brings up much pain in your experience. This memory, if surfaced, needs to be examined and compassion applied to all parties.
Now this is a slightly more advanced version of awareness, which does not condone the attack, but rather accepts it having happened and forgives the perpetrator (as well as the victim for “allowing” it to happen, as victims often blame themselves.)
Forgiveness, a powerful and necessary tool, stems from the realization that when we hurt others, we hurt ourselves ten-fold.
Understanding this, we grow capable of forgiveness, but if we are asked to bring compassion to the situation too soon, may flare up with: “I don’t want to forgive them!” And we don’t have to, not until we’re capable of it.
We will simply return to the memory until we have the emotional strength to bring compassion with us to that dark place.
2. Feelings of losing control and experiencing doubt, fear and anxiety
The reason we go through these, and you, I am sure, are probably well versed in this yourselves, is that experiencing fear, anxiety and the like, is simply us experiencing the ego’s majestic palette of sabotage. After all, its sole purpose is to remain the unquestioned king of our lives, and surrender is not on its agenda.
Knowing us intimately, it presses all the right buttons and makes the very idea of healing a scary, insurmountable gorge.
This is how it works and survives.
We forget, however, that we have power in all situations and that the answer lies in surrender.
Using the Tools
We often think (I certainly have) that embarking on this life-changing journey is blessed by the universe, and therefore should be easy. “I’m healing, and thus I help others. Why, then, do I feel like garbage?” Understanding the ego here comes in handy, as well as having and using the appropriate tools to deal with the oncoming heaviness.
It’s especially important for me to have tools that work because tools that don’t work get weeded out quickly. I live in Canada, and living here or in the winter is very intense. If you live in a big city, it is even more intense. People become more aggressive and on edge, facing difficulty doing the simplest things because it’s just hard to get from point A to point B. Being able to take 3 days off without having to leave town while and grounding has proven to be incredibly helpful. It is a tool that works in this overwhelming environment.
Evolving, waking up, becoming empowered, whatever you want to call it, is not a process of ignoring, of picking and choosing what you want to see in yourself. It is not about bold proclamations of your powers or arrogantly stomping your agenda to the “less evolved.” It is simply an often messy process of transforming stuck energy into useful, usable potential energy.
Consider that when you discover a pocket of hate towards someone or something, that the energy expended in hating is no longer accessible to you in your creative endeavors. You can not use that potential energy in its current state to do anything but hate. So how do you gain access to that energy? By accepting your hate, surrendering to it, and transforming it by bringing compassion and understanding.
Yet this transformation can only happen when we stop fearing those cobwebbed places in the recesses of our minds and visit with them, taking the time to process and forgive.
I wish you luck on your journey and offer you this: everyone who’s woken up, evolved, or become empowered to their emotions has had to go through this very same process.